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Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Frasier: The Final Scene

 
I Apologize For the delay between posts. But you see, I've been incredibly busy beta-testing the new Blogger's upcoming "Fellate This Blogger!" feature, and let me just tell you, Google is doing incredible things with technology these days.

Today, I continue my "Final Scene" series with a preview of tomorrow night's Frasier ending.

INT. FRASIER'S LIVING ROOM--NIGHT
Frasier sits on the couch, reading the newspaper. DAPHNE enters, carrying a tray with two tea cups and a teapot.

DAPHNE
Dr. Crane, would you like some tea?

FRASIER
Why, that would be just lovely, wouldn't it?

DAPHNE
Then you can get some yourself, you pompous gasbag!

Daphne throws hot tea in Frasier's face. He screams in agony.

FRASIER
You Limey cunt!

DAPHNE
That'll be the last time you talk down to me, Doctor.

NILES enters from the front door and sees the commotion.

NILES
Oh my, what's going on here?

FRASIER
That bitch wife of yours just threw hot tea in my face!

NILES
Daphne is this true?

DAPHNE
Are we married? I haven't watched this show in six years.

Frasier cleans off his face with a throw pillow.

FRASIER
Good point. Are you married?

NILES
Hmmm. That's an interesting question. I thought for sure the writers would have outed me by now, but I seem to recall a hideously implausible romance storyline between Daphne and me.

DAPHNE
Maybe your father knows.

FRASIER
Dad? He's got to be about 100 by now. He must have died in the seventh season.

NILES
Fascinating. That dirty old chair of his is still here.

FRASIER
Indeed...

NILES
So... Are you gay, too?

FRASIER
Niles! I'm the one swinging dick this show's got left. And I am most certainly heterosexual.

DAPHNE
Ooooh. You ARE, aren't you?

FRASIER
All man, you sexy piece of crumpet.

NILES
I resent the insinuation that I'm something of less than a man just because I'm a badly unbelievable straight romantic interest.

DAPHNE
Oh, shut up, will you? (to Frasier) Let's see about this swinging dick business.

FRASIER
Niles, I bid you adieu.

DAPHNE
I'm a dirty girl, you'll see...

Frasier and Daphne exit to the bedroom. After a beat, they come running back into the living room.

FRASIER
(holding his nose) We found Dad!


FADE OUT.












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This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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