Monday, April 19, 2004
Next Up for Tarantino: A Five-Part Serial Homage to Industrial Training Films of the 1950s
Things I Learned From Watching Kill Bill Vol. 2 This Weekend.
--John F. Kennedy Jr. had a pirate fetish. Wait as you might, Darryl Hannah will not doff her top and entreat you to "shiver" on her "timbers."
--If you're ever buried alive, you simply must train for years with an abusive martial-arts guru who forces you to punch a block of wood until your fingers gnarl from stress fractures, then merely punch through the pine box before your oxygen supply expires, and claw your way to freedom through the loose soil.
--Quentin Tarantino has succumbed to an on-screen love affair with Uma Thurman's feet. Watch for the DVD outtake documentary footage of Tarantino sucking her toes which cleverly references the obscure chopsocky flick Night of a Thousand Flying Instep-Licking Monks.
--If you decide to shoot your extra-deadly assassin/girlfriend/baby's-momma in the head on her wedding day and massacre her new husband and all of her friends, make sure to show extra vigilance in protecting against the Five-Fingered Exploding Heart technique when she comes looking for vengeance. Also, if you think of it, please ask her to exact her revenge while topless.
--Kill Bill has revived David Carradine's acting career and can now take a hiatus from renting out his face as a leather sleeper-sofa in the Encino Jennifer Convertibles showroom.