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Monday, April 12, 2004

Also, Angelina Jolie Is Sporting a Bandito Mustache, And I'm Not Saying Where

 
'Passion' Casts Out 'Hellboy' [LA Times Calendarlive, subscription req.]

I'm beginning to think that the American moviegoing public is choosing their weekend viewing solely to create headlines on Monday morning. Sure, we can blame Passion's (yes, I'm going to do it) resurrection at the box office to the holiday weekend. Apparently, millions of Christians, crazed from the insulin-induced fervor of Church-sanctioned Peeps eating contests, felt the need to see their Messiah carved up like an Easter ham. (And there just isn't enough heat on the "Christ slaughters defenders of the Alamo" theme to propel the Billy Bob Thornton flick to number two. I think we'd need to reimagine Generalissimo Santa Anna as Angelina Jolie with a candle wax fetish to get The Alamo over the hump.)

Can we please just get this over with and rush a special-edition Schindler's List into the theaters this week, just so we can have

Gibson Denies Holocaust

and be done with it? But I suppose Schindler could triumph, and we'd wind up with

Jews Kill Christ, Again

The resulting conflagration could then only be extinguished by the ecumenically-minded, double-bill rerelease of Behind the Green Door and the 36th anniversary edition of Debbie Does Dallas. If there's one thing that all faiths can agree upon, it's retro porn.




[Note: I fully realize that writing about The Passion is going to tempt the Google Ads gods to plaster this site with low revenue-generating Jesus links. I really need to do more posts on TiVos, Jaguars, and escort services.]



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This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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