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Friday, March 05, 2004

 

You Can't Take It With You Dept.



In What Had to be the most satisfying reality-show expulsion since semiretarded ("I Got Lawyer In Me") Zach was cast out of Paradise Hotel, last night's episode of The Apprentice ended with Donald Trump setting the laser in his little finger to Downsize and blasting Omarosa down to the street.

It felt good, (so so so good) but we'll miss her. None of the remaining wannabe Trump Kool-Aid drinkers create half as much drama, unless you count Heidi, but her moments came mostly from flinging F-bombs at Crazy O.

Now all that's left is to memorialize Omarosa's stay in Trump's paradise in haiku:

Omarosa, name
so long it eats up nearly
the whole haiku line

On Trump's private jet
You put honkies on notice
Race card swiftly played

"Nasty," we called you
"crazy bitch" for good measure
Yet your team still wins

Then the "concussion"
Plaster falls, God's cruel noogie
you endure the wound

But your team loses
You face elimination
Turn on waterworks

(Your) crocodile* tears
Cannot impress The Donald
Next time try blowjob

The final boardroom
Pack your bags, kicked to the curb
"You're fired" says Trump

Omarosa: Bam!
Like that damn piece of plaster
Trump's axe falls quickly


*Alternate haiku line depending on your syllable count for "crocodile." I still say it has four syllables: croc-o-di-le.

[Update: Out of Focus points out this amazing interview on NBC's website, where the Big O compares herself with the Biggest O of all...Optimus Prime.
What cartoon character do you most relate to and why?
The cartoon character that I most relate to is Optimus Prime from the 'The Transformers'. Optimus Prime is the leader of the Transformers and works as a powerful force of goodness, courage and wisdom in the battle against the evil Decepticons. He first tries to find peaceful solutions to conflicts, but when battle lines are drawn, he becomes a fierce warrior capable of overpowering vast enemy forces to achieve his goals. I used to watch this cartoon when I was little with my brothers and sister and we loved it!


It's chilling to think that the gauntlet of The Apprentice managed only to scratch the surface of the wacky, confrontational iceberg that was Omarosa. Personally, I think she's got a lot more Megatron in her.]




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This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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