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Tuesday, March 16, 2004


My Website Is Actually Nothing But A Plea to Join the Next America's Top Model, So Maybe I Shouldn't Talk

From the Mailbag:

Dear Bunsen,

I just found a link to this guy's site, "I Want to Be The Apprentice," on someone else's site. I thought it might be of interest to you, knowing how much you love The Apprentice. Also, this guy's resemblence to comic book/WB young-adult programming villain Lex Luthor is undeniable. Since you seem to be out of ideas today, I think it would be really funny if you would write a letter about "I Want to Be The Apprentice, but it's all about Lex Luthor. If you don't mind me being so forward, you could say things like "Mr. Trump, like you, I'm a self-made billionaire. While your route to piles of money was real-estate development and greed, my rise to the highest tax brackets came because of my criminal mastermind and hatred of Superman. I think that I could learn a lot from you, Mr. Trump." That could totally work.

Also, I couldn't help but notice that this Apprentice guy self-consciously includes a poll about whose hair is better. First, this guy doesn't have any hair. Trump's hair may be ridiculous, but at least he has hair. What, did this Apprentice guy go to the barber shop with a picture of Kojak star Telly Savalas (note to your younger readers, he was a bald guy on a cop show in the 70s who sucked on lollipops, not that Trump sucks on lollipops as as far as I can tell) and tell them, "I want my head to look like this guy's nutsack?" This is of course assuming that a guy with a shaved head like Kojack would also put a lot of care into the close shaving of his scrotum. I'm not sure if this logically follows, but I'm sure you could find a way to make it work. I just think it's a little crazy that this Apprentice guy is comparing his bald head to The Donald's impressive mane. It doesn't add up.

One more thing: I don't understand why in the middle of this guy's video about why he would make the best Apprentice he starts singing "Over the Rainbow" and molests himself with salad tongs. Is that supposed to get him on the show? Make sure you mention that. Lex Luthor would never do that.

Anyway, just wanted to point that out to you since you seem to be having a hard time with things. Lots of free time on my hands these days.

Your pal,
Martha Stewart

About this site

This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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