It's Been So Long That I Can't Even Remember If He Was Guilty, But I'm Guessing, Yeah, He Was Pretty Guilty

DirecTV Is All up in the Juice's grill. They allege that O.J. Simpson has been stealing service and have filed suit to collect $20,000 for the pirated signal. (There's something in the article about the government raiding his house for Ecstasy, but let's not expand the scope of this comic premise, OK? If you persist on the X track, just picture O.J. swaying, getting all touchy-feely, and swigging bottled water.)

Included in DirecTV's legal documents is a rundown of the premium channels that Simpson* was illegally descrambling. Read it here first before The Smoking Gun gets its grubby hands on it.

Ch. 122: Hertz Rent-a-Car Commercials Greatest Hits Network

Ch. 156: The Shopping Network Knife Show Channel

Ch. 203: The Golf Channel 2: 19th Hole Murder Investigations

Ch. 212: TLC

Ch. 334: Court TV: Grieving Victims' Families with Hilarious Facial Hair Channel, Starring Fred Goldman**

Ch. 385: Nickelodeon's KidsInWonderTwinUnderoosLand***

Ch. 408: ESPN Classic Murderous Hall of Fame Running Backs

Ch. 467: HBO Zone II: Homicidal Cuckolds

Ch. 510: WNBA Season Pass




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* Since the internet had not really come into its own during Simpson's 1995 channel and the blogging phenomenon was years from taking hold, I missed out on the historic opportunity to make lame and obvious O.J. jokes. My time has finally come!
**Remember how crazy that moustache was! Hi-larious!
***Due to a clerical error, a channel from Michael Jackson's DirecTV package was cross-listed in the Simpson documents. The US Federal Government regrets this error.

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