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Thursday, March 18, 2004

 

Interstitial Dept.



Sun Rises, Sun sets, Courtney Love arrested. It's like a gift; I write about somebody, then they clock a hipster in the head with a microphone stand and wind up in the pokey.

There have been many accounts of my St. Patty's day drinking buddy's supposed "meltdown" on the Late Show last night. But I have the exclusive on Love's and Letterman's off-camera conversation. Read on...

The Late Show set: Commerical break between Courtney Love segments

Love: How am I doing?

Letterman: That was something. What's up with the hair?

Love: Yeah, I thought I should look like Biff Henderson bent me over a director's chair right before I came out. It's easy. I just dipped my head in the john and gave myself a swirlie backstage. A little towel-dry and I'm ready to go.

Letterman: You gotta give the people what they want, right?

Love: Look, everyone's tuning in to see what I'm going to pull. I could bark like a dog, but it's kind of hackneyed at this point and people would see right through it. So I settled on the unhinged rambling, threw in some name-dropping because people love that shit. You want me to call Tom Cruise a fag?

Letterman: Stick to Kidman. Tom's lawyers are fucking insane. And how about flashing those goodies a few more times? Makes for great clips for ET and Access Hollywood tomorrow.

Love: I just got waxed. You want a little cooch in camera 3?

Letterman: Stick to the rack. You know that Janet was originally going to show the kitty at the Super Bowl halftime? Moonves talked her down to the nipple armor.

Love: No way!

Letterman: He thought all the labia hardware she's got would be overkill. Plays havoc pulling focus on the handheld cam.

Love: Alright, tits it is.

Letterman: It's a good choice. Call me from Central Booking tonight and my assistant will post bail.

Love: If you don't pick up, I'm calling Leno!

[They share a hearty laugh.]

Letterman: Try getting him out of his submissive dungeon after 1 a.m.!

Love: I know! Once he's got the ball gag in, it's like he's dead to the world.



[Update: I write it, it happens: E! Online reports that Janet Jackson is now scheduled to appear on Letterman. Now we can wait to see if she tops Love by showing off the aforementioned labia hardware.]





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This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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