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Tuesday, March 16, 2004

 

Dept. of Sequential Humorlessness



Some Days, Producing the "content" on which you fritter away chunks of your billable hours and precious bandwidth is harder than others.

On those days, I usually produce a list. (Longtime readers will remember that I once trotted out Harrison Ford to fill the daily "content" quota, but ever since that bender in Mexico, he's been an impossible bore. From talking to him you'd think the bottom of a tequila bottle was an acceptable substitute for an out-of-work, anorexic actress girlfriend. But how many worms can you swallow before you start to miss the fragile embrace of your bony, true love? I digress...)

But sometimes even a viable list topic is hard to come by. This is one of those times.

So enjoy this list of abandoned list topics for today's post, including at least one example from each abandoned list.

A List of Abandoned List Topics, Including at Least One Example From Each Abandoned List

  • Possible Slogans for Omarosa's Congressional Campaign ("Working Hard for You, At Least Until a Tiny Piece of Plaster Induces a Phantom Concussion" * "This Pot Will Never Call the Kettle Black" * "Donald Trump is a Racist")


  • Things Pope John Paul II Said to Passion of the Christ star Jim Caviezel in Their Recent Meeting ("Nice movie, but tell Gibson that I'm pretty sure the Roman soldiers never attached a live power line to the Christ's testicles.")


  • Possibly Racist Team Nicknames from the NCAA Tournament ("Tuscaloosa Suicidal Injun Blackjack Dealers" * "Central Georgia Vomiting Irishmen")


  • Tennessee Cities Ending in "-Ville" Among the Top Ten Worst for Asthma Sufferers, Excluding Knoxville, which is Number One ("Nashville")


  • Relatively Unflattering Pictures of Martha Stewart Wearing a Badge, With One Exceedingly Lame and One Self-Referential Musing on What the Text of the Badge Might Say ( "Prisoner No. 3344455" * "Bunsen, after less than two years, is completely out of ideas. This admission is no substitute for humor.")




  • About this site

    This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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