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Thursday, March 04, 2004

 

Brady Bunch Exposed as Free-Love Orgy



Were Starsky and Hutch gay? IMDb Movie and TV News asks the question, picking up on the subtext of scenes in Friday's upcoming big-screen adaptation.

But what if the same-sex pairings from our television youth all were hell-bent on destroying George W. Bush's ideas about the sanctity of the man-woman relationship? What if the outing of Starsky and Hutch opens the door for other long-time television partners to be true to themselves?

What if...what if...

Faceman and B.A. Baracus, The A Team
Face and B.A. are pinned down behind the van by comically errant hostile rifle-fire.

Baracus: Face, this could be it. You know all those times, when I said I don't like to fly?

Faceman: You wanna fly outta here?

Baracus: Shut your jibber jabber. I actually meant I'm a bottom, fool.

Faceman: [a smirk spreading across his face] I'm actually much more of an ass-man...


Michael Knight and K.I.T.T., Knight Rider
Knight is pinned down behind K.I.T.T. by comically errant hostile rifle-fire.

Knight: K.I.T.T., buddy, this could be it. There's something I've gotta tell you.

K.I.T.T.: My sensors have detected a 98-percent probability that you are going to confess your romantic feeling towards me.

Knight: You always do that! Listen, you're a car, so technically it's not gay, right?

K.I.T.T.: I've been programmed for a male response, Michael. Don't kid yourself.

Knight: Warm up that tailpipe, buddy. We might only get one chance at this.

K.I.T.T.: My sensors indicate that maybe you're be better served by the cigarette lighter socket, Michael.

Knight: Sometimes you are just impossible!

K.I.T.T.: It's in my programming. Michael. Now shut the fuck up and rotate my tires!


Cagney & Lacey
No fanciful evidence required.



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This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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