It's Obvious I'm a Tiger Dept.

I WAS REMISS in not wishing you a happy Year of the Monkey. But it's an old system, that Chinese calendar, and could use some spiffing up, no?

Proposed Additions to the Chinese Calendar

--Year of the Cat Who Hates Mondays (But Loooves Lasagna!)

--Year of that Squirrel with the Huge Nuts

--Year of the Dangled Crocodile Hunter Baby

--Year of the Tito

--Year of the Segway

--Year of the Out-of-Court Settlement on Molestation Charges Where at Least One Party Still Thinks Very Beautiful Sleepovers in His Big, Comfy Bed are OK and Not At All Devilish

--Year of the Bennifer

--Year of the Cataract (to be followed by Year of the Rincoln)

--Year of the Ignorant White Devil Who is Slowly Being Poisoned to Death with MSG and Repeatedly Insists His Beef and Broccoli is a Too Light on the Beef, Do You Understand Me, Charlie Chan?, Don't Worry, Honey, He Doesn't Understand Any English that's Not on the Menu

--Year of the Joke that's So Convoluted that it Can't Easily Be Determined if it's Racist or a Lame Indictment of Racism

--Year of the Swan

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