Monday, December 08, 2003
The Failure of Democracy
THIS IS THE last thing I'll say on the subject of the 2003 Weblog Awards, in which roughly 3.4 percent of this site's readership voted Bunsen, thus easily obliterating the voting rate of this wonderful nation of ours. Give yourselves a hand, America! (My Canadian fans, however, should be ashamed and self-effacing.) It was an honor to be nominated [cough
I understand that the publicity machinery that makes Dave Barry the which-public-urinal-is-it-socially-acceptable-to-pee-in multimedia humor juggernaut is in full gear. Hell, CBS once had the lovable scamp Harry Anderson play him on television. Remember that? Me neither, but IMDB says it's so.
But, for the love of all that is good and holy, how can anything that is called Giggle Chick be ahead of Bunsen? If Giggle Chick were a novel, the cover would be hot pink and depicting some squiggly lines in high heels juggling shopping bags and a squiggly-line infant. And talking on a cell phone.
Perhaps I wouldn't come off as so bitter at the chick-lit world if my first novel, The Burly Man's Guide to Getting Blowjobs from Bimbos Hotter than Yourself, hadn't been rejected in favor of something called The Sassy Lady's Club Guide to Having It All: That Is, Lots of Fabulous Girlfriends, an Unlimited Charge Account at the Sex and the City Factory Outlet Store, a Size Zero Dress Size, an Irrepressible Wit, a Neutered Man-Friend, and a Formerly Distant, Fabulously Wealthy Lover Who Comes Around in the End.
Never fear, loyal readers. These stories always end up with Bunsen on top, don't they? I triumphed in the end. I sold the book to David Sedaris, who put his name on it and published it himself with minor edits. I walked away with a thick stack of singles for the nudie bar, and I'm pretty sure I step over Mr. Sedaris' blanket bazaar of incense and patchouli oil on the sidewalk in front of my Trader Joe's.