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Thursday, November 06, 2003

 

Today's Lucky Numbers: The One, The One, The One



Retroactively Declared List Week continues as...

A Longtime Fortune Cookie Writer Reviews "The Matrix Revolutions"

~You will be most unexpressive in your close-ups.~

~Pseudo philosophical and metaphysical mumbo jumbo makes you long for endless slow-motion kung-fu.~

~Your face will appear long and dull like underripe banana in 16:9 aspect ratio.~

~You are about to come into unexpected wealth but suffer a 46 percent dropoff in the second weekend.~

~You are comforted by the thought that although machines rule the future and harvest human beings for fuel, at least they gave the crippled black guy from "Oz" a new set of legs.~

~You shall express a preference for the elegant existential angst of two time-traveling youths in a phone booth to the incomprehensible ramblings of chopsocky undertakers brawling over techno music.~

~SPOILER ALERT: You will remain confused about the fate of mankind despite the monosyllabic messiah's Christlike sacrifice and the sudden appearance of Spielbergian everything's-going-to-be-okay rainbows.~

~Italics and tildes will not adequately disguise the fact that you are writing nothing but lists this week. Perhaps you should retroactively declare this something like "List Week" to cover up for your lack of compelling content.~

~Help! I am trapped in a Fortune Cookie Factory with nothing to watch but the deleted scenes from "The Matrix: Reloaded" DVD!~




About this site

This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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