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Tuesday, November 25, 2003

 

One Chickenhawk, Two Chickenhawk, Red Chickenhawk, Blue Chickenhawk



Tonight, I defy the world by refusing to offer a negative review of The Cat in the Hat in a Seussian rhyme scheme, mostly because watching Mike Myers gives me hemorrhoids.

Instead, I offer a Seussified version of Michael Jackson's first official communiqué through the new website he's um, erected as a clearinghouse of information about his legal troubles.

To my fans, friends,
And family too,
I write this letter
For all and for you.

My lawyers have told me
To keep my mouth shut.
So I put up this website
To answer the boy-slut.

Three w's dot hotboyz dot com
Was already taken.
Besides the six-packs on there
Are too old for my bacon.

The charges against me
Are terribly serious,
I am tired, outraged,
mystified, delirious.

The little boy lies,
He roils and rants.
My magic glove never did
Find its way in his pants.

These stories they tell
Are evil lie-missiles.
I get so upset
My nose hole a-whistles.

OK, I admit it
We played Hop On King of Pop.
But just ask Liz Taylor or Lisa Marie --
I'm a harmless, bleached fop.

The lawyers are calling
They say I shouldn't be talking.
But rhyming is fun,
Almost good as Macaulay-stalking.

The llamas are crying
The chimps are atwitter
Out on 3 million bucks bail with time on my hands
Do you need a good babysitter?

Because it's really hard to rhyme "pedophile."



About this site

This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
If You Like Bunsen, Then You'll Love Bunsen
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