Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Another Dispatch Regarding America's Favorite Boudoir Film
Let me be the first to claim that I was on the other end of that cell phone coitus interruptus in the Paris Hilton tape and post my transcipt of the conversation:
[Cell phone rings.]
Paris: Hello? Daddy?
Bunsen: Can the dirty talk right now, baby. I gotta talk fast, stay with me, from what I hear about Rick, we don't have much time here. Listen, I got the satellite feed. First of all, I told you to use more candles for light. This night-vision thing is going to make half of America think that they're masturbating to a bad X-files episode. Also, try to keep yourself in the frame as much as possible. No one wants to see a Rick Solomon tape, dig? Later we can have PR leak that it was Colin Farrell.
Solomon [off camera]: Fuck the phone!
Paris: Gotta go!
Bunsen: Don't neglect the balls. You have a public to think of.
[The call is disconnected, and B-list sexual history is made.]