Another Dispatch Regarding America's Favorite Boudoir Film

Let me be the first to claim that I was on the other end of that cell phone coitus interruptus in the Paris Hilton tape and post my transcipt of the conversation:

[Cell phone rings.]

Paris: Hello? Daddy?

Bunsen: Can the dirty talk right now, baby. I gotta talk fast, stay with me, from what I hear about Rick, we don't have much time here. Listen, I got the satellite feed. First of all, I told you to use more candles for light. This night-vision thing is going to make half of America think that they're masturbating to a bad X-files episode. Also, try to keep yourself in the frame as much as possible. No one wants to see a Rick Solomon tape, dig? Later we can have PR leak that it was Colin Farrell.

Solomon [off camera]: Fuck the phone!

Paris: Gotta go!

Bunsen: Don't neglect the balls. You have a public to think of.

[The call is disconnected, and B-list sexual history is made.]

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