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Wednesday, October 01, 2003


Stop Me Before I List Again...Too Late

Forbes magazine has just released its list of the ten healthiest sports. I won't keep you in suspense, squash topped the list. I could've told you that without the nagging egghead magazine journalism; the results of my weekly bloodsport squash round-robin tournament with Harvey Weinstein (solid rock underneath a deceptive flabby coating) and Dodi Al-Fayed (a devastating backhand unhampered by several pounds of gold jewelry) were Hollywood water-cooler staples for years (when Dodi dropped out for personal reasons, he was replaced by tragically miscast Dennis Miller, whose digressive and insistent play-by-play of our matches drove me from the courts like Chief Joseph and the Nez Perce over the Plains.) Rounding out the top ten were rowing, rock climbing, swimming, cross-country skiing, basketball, cycling, running, modern pentathlon, and boxing. I possess amusing-yet-improbable anecdotes involving celebrities for all of these sports, which I will refrain from disclosing due to space concerns. But I will tantalize you with the tableau of Mickey Rourke, Strom Thurmond, and yours truly scaling a rock-climbing wall in turn-of-the-century drag at Steven Spielberg's ranch outside of Malibu as I anticlimactically introduce the obligatory...

...list of the Ten Unhealthiest Sports*:

10. Prison Football League toe-touching
9. Caddying for Bob Hope moments before his expiration
8. Self-linking
7. Ride the Crossover Internet Celebrity Writer
6. Trying to stop Kobe Bryant from "taking it to the hole"
5. NFL combine two-a-day induced sunstroke/dehydration drills
4. Polo
3. The West Hollywood Sauna Narcoleptic Homophobe Games
2. Simpson spousal knife-catching (league disbanded 1995, joke found on back of Batman Forever movie ticket stub)
1. NBA millionaire bastard-siring with inadequate legal representation

[*or activities where it suits my list-compiling purposes.]

About this site

This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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