The Greatest Blog In the World

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

 

Reality TV is My Slop, and You Know I'm a Filthy Pig



I know that the small, shivering community that has formed around the cozy fire that is The Greatest Blog in the World is breathlessly waiting for me to hold forth on "The Next Joe Millionaire." I'd love to, but nothing happened on its maiden voyage other than:

1. Foreign chicks giggling uncontrollably when they found out that Mr. Perfect Hunky Rich Guy was, of all things, a cowboy, and do we really even have those in America anymore? (And before you, Mr. Small-minded American Noncowboy, laugh at their accents or sometimes clumsy engage grammar, I ask you: how good is your Netherlandish?)

2. Next Joe Millionaire/Authentic Struggling Cowpoke and Woody Harrelson doppelgänger David Smith (couldn't FOX have dropped in on their local hemp rally and actually gotten Woody?) in various states of undress from the belt up, talking to an Italian horse with the improbably English name of Hurricane.

My fearless, 100% accurate prediction on "The Next Joe Millionaire's" big twist: Wrangler model David Smith is revealed to be as gay as Liberace's Thursday evening alligator-skin thong. If the lingering shots of his six pack weren't enough, the floofy terrier should have been as good a tipoff as four fabulous buddies who hoot, roll their eyes, and upturn everything in my apartment.

I suppose we can discuss this further once something actually happens on the show.

In the meantime, we can look forward to other things FOX has planned to continue its odd vendetta against the people of Europe:

--Renaming the Macarena "The Bennifer" and shipping it back to Munich nightclubs. The repurposed dancefloor scourge is instantly huge in Barcelona hotspots, decried in Paris as American cultural imperialism, and mocked nightly as a punchline in Jay Leno monologues.

--Annexing the Sudetenland, but with that trademarked outrageous, ballsy FOX attitude. The network televises UN appeasement talks and repeatedly cuts away from the diplomatic action to jittery close-ups of the teen stars of "Skin" and "The OC," who are conspicuously peppered throughout the gallery.

--Unveiling the midseason reality TV smash, "When Rupert Murdoch Defecates on an Oil Painting of the Royal Family"

As you can see, FOX has its hands full these days.



About this site

This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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