Monday, October 13, 2003
Broadband Blackouts Can't Stop the List Dept.
In honor of "Kill Bill" running off with this weekend's box office crown...
How to Tell That Your Killer Pimp is Out to Ruin Your Wedding Day
--You've registered at Crate & Barrel but he insists on sending you a linen napkin set from the Pottery Barn
--He signs your guest book "I am going to rape and/or kill everyone in this room"
--He RSVP's three weeks late and forgets to mention the squad of vegetarian assassins he's bringing along, leaving you tragically short on meatless entr?Šes
--He insists on "turning out" whoever catches the bouquet immediately following the reception
--His intrusive yellow subtitles, lengthy voiceover, and nonchronological storylines make your wedding video popular with the critics but hard to follow for Joe Sixpack
--He sulks and threatens to cut anyone who refuses to participate in back-to-back performances of the "Hokey Pokey" and the "Chicken Dance" for ruining "his day"
--Walks off with the main table's floral centerpiece after bloodying you and leaving you for dead
[And given the events of the game on Saturday, why not have a looky-look at this little ditty about the Yankees and the Red Sox?]