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Thursday, August 21, 2003


Whatever, Next Dept.

No matter how many times I refuse to return their phone calls and callously toss aside their fly-away subscription cards, the folks at Vanity Fair find me. Once again they demand that I provide them with the ultimate guide to what's So Done, "It's" that we're over, and whatever's marching down the pipe, screaming until it captures our attention.

The following is a preview of what Vanity Fair managed to beat out of me, thus changing the course of pop-culture and world events in the coming weeks.

SO DONE: California Recall Election
OVER IT: Schwarzenegger Candidacy
WHATEVER, NEXT: Lou Ferrigno solves CA budget crisis by selling miracle "Ab Pulverizer"

SO DONE: R. Kelly
WHATEVER, NEXT: Bob Hope's floating-in-a-jar-of-formaldehyde brain forces itself on the Olsen twins on the night before they're legal

SO DONE: Everybody Loves Raymond actor sick-outs
OVER IT: New Man Show juggies controversies
WHATEVER, NEXT: Matthew Perry threatens to deflate Jennifer Aniston's breasts with a BB gun if someone doesn't get him a BLT with turkey bacon right this second

SO DONE: Extreme Makeover
OVER IT: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
WHATEVER, NEXT: Diana Ross' Maxillofacial Reconstruction and Strap-On Spectacular

SO DONE: Gigli
OVER IT: Uptown Girls
WHATEVER, NEXT: a $200 million still photograph of Ashton Kutcher and Will Smith high-fiving

SO DONE: Suicide Bombings
OVER IT: Liberian Peacekeeping
WHATEVER, NEXT: U.S. uses Canada as organ-farm

SO DONE: Uday and Qusay killed
OVER IT: Chemical Ali captured
WHATEVER, NEXT: Saddam Hussein gets painful sunburn on Bali beach

SO DONE: Garage Rock
OVER IT: Electroclash
WHATEVER, NEXT: Semi-ironic Pots, Pans, and Jugs Bands

SO DONE: Celebrity-obsessed, egomaniacal semiautobiographical nonblogging
OVER IT: Winking, celebrity-obsessed, egomaniacal, semiautobiographical nonblogging
WHATEVER, NEXT: Masturbating to a picture of Jennifer Connelly and what's-his-name, with a picture of a certain celebrity-obsessed, egomaniacal, semiautobiographical nonblogger's head sloppily taped over what's-his-name's face

About this site

This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
If You Like Bunsen, Then You'll Love Bunsen