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Sunday, August 10, 2003

 

Save Me, Lord, For I am So Damn Weak*



I said I was going to ignore this California recall election thing. Rest assured, I am still ignoring it.

Some popular misspellings of California Lieutenant Governor (and recall election candidate) Cruz M. Bustamante's name:

--Cruz N. Bustamante

--Cruz M. Bustarhymze

--Arnold M. Schwarzenegger

--Penelope M. Cruz

--Diane Feinstein-Bustamante

--Manny Mota

--DJ Party-Starter M. Bustamante

--Cruz M. Bustros-Bustros Bustamante (please, someone, fucking stop me)

--Cruz M. Udaymante y Qusaymante (Really now?)

--Gigli

--Count Choc-uluz

Bonus Section, still ignoring the recall election thing:

Recall election hopefuls missing the candidacy filing deadline (and reasons for their failure):

--Gregory Hines (death)
--Bob Hope's brain floating in formaldehyde (bell jar out for cleaning)
--Ronald Reagan (wandering halls of Ronald Reagan library, asking shocked patrons for the location of issues of National Geographic with bare Guatemalan breasts)
--Carl Weathers (deferring to buddy Schwarzenegger, reading script for long-awaited sequel to Action Jackson)
--Gray Davis (current cuckolded governor, lost papers during rolling blackout)
--Jesus Christ (delayed at U.S.-Mexico border, after making dashboard statuette of Virgin Mary cry at Tijuana souvenir stall)
--the slow kid from Life Goes On (making French fries at McDonald's)
--Bunsen (my sexual magnetism would lead to a steamy, on-the-desk romp with Arianna Huffington. That's the name of that porn chick that's running, right?)


[* For no good reason, post headings will now be featured in red. I reserve the right to return to black at any time, and to follow the red headings with black sub-headings. Sub-heads may not under any circumstances appear in red. I will not let this space descend into anarchy.]




About this site

This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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