Friday, August 22, 2003
A Note On the Past Week
This web site will have been on a somewhat abbreviated publishing schedule this week. I thank you in retrospect for your continuing support and undying loyalty to The Greatest Blog in the World. Bunsen Preferred Members should have watched their mailboxes this week for their Jose Cuervo and Mrs. Fields gift baskets. My enemies (and they are legion) should have scanned their computers for the Blaster worm, which should have served as a warning for complaining about my abbreviated publishing schedule. If these worms had done any lasting damage, I will have disavowed any knowledge and blamed the sabotage on such internet blogging evils such as Instapundit and Andrew Sullivan.
An abbreviated week, but wow, what a week it was. Remember Tuesday? Man, that was a day... (Note: Your computer screen may become wavy as we descend into reverie.)
I took my hand off the toilet handle. "Indy, we've gotta do something about this blackout."
"I was thinking of doing something. Shouldn't I fly my helicopter over there and, you know, start rescuing people stranded on the top of skyscrapers without power?"
"Don't be stupid."
"Well, what then?" said Ford, then breathed loudly through his nostrils.
"Two words: blackout party. We're gonna turn off all the lights and play flashlight tag!"
Man, that was something, that Tuesday.
It's almost enough to make me a little nostalgic for a spectacular Hump Day screed on a certain hack magician, when I challenged him to... (Did it suddenly get blurry with sepia tones in here?)
...ten consecutive sexual encounters with Fiona Apple without even once imagining that we're copulating with a skeleton
Those were the days. Thursday's a little hazy. Maybe if I concentrate for just a second I'll remember what happened as the weekend crept closer... (You know the drill...why is everything in black and white?)
SO DONE: Celebrity-obsessed, egomaniacal semiautobiographical nonblogging
OVER IT: Winking, celebrity-obsessed, egomaniacal, semiautobiographical nonblogging
WHATEVER, NEXT: Masturbating to a picture of Jennifer Connelly and what's-his-name, with a picture of a certain celebrity-obsessed, egomaniacal, semiautobiographical nonblogger's head sloppily taped over what's-his-name's face
Oh, yeah. The usual thing.
Happy Friday, my little children!