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Tuesday, June 24, 2003

 

If You Must Know, Ford Called at 3:07 a.m.



Answering Machine: [beeps] You've reached the corporate offices of Bunsen Dot TV. Please leave a message and one of our customer care associates will return your call during regular business hours. [beeps]
[a pause, then another beep] Unless you are Jennifer Connelly, in which case you know what number to call, please stop toying with me, uh, I mean us. [beeps]

Harrison Ford: I know you're there. Who are you kidding? Pick up the phone.

Bunsen: Indy. What do you--

Ford: You know what. You still haven't seen Hollywood Homicide. And if you say neither has anyone in America, I'll end you.

Bunsen: I'd never say that. I haven't been to the movies in ages.

Ford: What about The Hulk?

Bunsen: Didn't you hear the answering machine message? She wouldn't speak to me until I saw that mess, in which she is radiant and brilliant.

Ford: This whole supernemesis thing really isn't going to work out if you aren't staying current on my work.

Bunsen: I was there for the shoot, wasn't that enough?

Ford: No.

Bunsen: Well, are you staying current on my work?

Ford: Of course, and I'm not sure I approve of this whole Keanu thing.

Bunsen: He's just a drinking buddy. It's good that he's keeping you on your toes, though.

Ford: And what's up with not mentioning me crashing the Birthday Telephone Game Party?

Bunsen: You were drunk and sticking your finger in Boy George's face because you were convinced that he's sleeping with The Mophandle.

Ford: Don't call her that.

Bunsen: I'll make a deal with you. Lose that earring you got with your mid-life crisis helicopter, stop posing in People splayed out on the couch like an embroidered Home Sweet Home throw pillow, and I'll lay off the mophandle stuff.

Ford: If being your supernemesis is going to entail petty insults...

Bunsen: I can't exactly afford a big laser beam to slice you in half while I cackle, so the cheap shots are staying for now.
If I had a laser, maybe I'd slice your Russian accent out of K-19: The Widowmaker.

Ford: I'm going.

Bunsen: You're headed straight for the website to see if I posted that pic.

[Dial tone.]



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This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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