The Greatest Blog In the World

Monday, June 02, 2003

 

DeRegular



In the wake of the FCC's relaxation of media ownership rules today, I sat down with FCC chairman (and son of Secretary of State Colin Powell) Michael Powell in his Washington, DC office for a chat.

Bunsen: So...

Michael Powell: So.

Bunsen: I don't want to sound cynical here...

Powell: No, go ahead.

Bunsen: It might seem that by all this deregulation of media ownership standards, that you are trying to get in good with huge media conglomerated like Viacom and Vivendi and --

Powell: Aren't you the guy who fights with Harrison Ford and writes about zapping starlets and mimes and stuff?

Bunsen: Yes, but I'm about more than that.

Powell: You're trying to get into Janeane Garofalo's pants.

Bunsen: Are you trying to get into Steve Case's pants?

Powell: Of course not. This has nothing to do with pleasing corporations.

[The door to Powell's office bursts open. Rupert Murdoch storms in, wearing a pointy party hat, carrying a champagne flute and one of those noisemakers that clicks loudly when spun around. He walks over to Powell's desk, gives him a high-five, and leaves as quickly as he came.]

Bunsen: What was that about?

Powell: It's his daughter's birthday, I think. It's OK, he's a US citizen now.

Bunsen: Oh. Listen...

Powell: I'm all ears.

Bunsen: When you deregulated radio, it turned into utter, cookie-cutter, corporate-run crap. What's going to stop the same thing from happening with TV or newspapers or the Internet?

Powell: The radio is crap? What radio are you listening to?

[He turns on a stereo behind him. A song that I identify as Avril Lavigne blares out. Powell takes a small pill out of his pocket and swallows it.]

Bunsen: Is that ecstasy?

Powell: [washing it down with a glass of water, placing a finger across his lips] Shhhh. [He starts swaying to the music] Isn't this song great?

Bunsen: What if TV winds up like the radio?

Powell: TV pretty much sucks anyway.

Bunsen: Word.

Powell: Why should you have to flip around to find crap? Soon you can just turn on the TV and see a Will and Grace rerun any time of the day or night. Or Bill O'Reilly. Depending on if you're watching NBC 345 or Rupert NewsUltra.

Bunsen: My head hurts.

[Powell turns the music up even louder.]

Powell: [singing] Why's everything got to be so complicated?

[He dances over to me, chugging a bottle of water, swaying to the music.]

Powell: Don't worry, you'll be taken care of. [pauses] Can I have a hug? This is song is so totally great and I just need a hug.

Bunsen: OK, but only if I can have the vodka from that gift basket from Sumner Redstone.

Powell: You got yourself a deal, mister.



About this site

This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
If You Like Bunsen, Then You'll Love Bunsen
-->

Archives