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Thursday, May 15, 2003

 

Listless



I haven't done anything in list form in a while. Mostly this is due to the fact that I have brief, acute episodes of disorganized schizophrenia in which I think that Rue McClanahan is dictating plans for the perfect provisional government for Iraq, and she hardly ever talks in list form. Then the roughly dozen Day-Quil gelcaps that I take with my daily mescaline allowance start to wear off, and I'm back to writing about which celebrities I've zapped lately. I know that this is getting tiresome. So here is a list of notable individuals and groups of people, both Americans and full-blooded foreigners, that I have yet to explore carnally:

Marlene Dietrich
Richard Simmons
Drew Barrymore (E.T. only)
Henry Kissinger
Rosie O'Donnell
Hall of Fame Footballer Rosie Grier
Samoan Methodist Missionaries
Mr. Greenjeans
Estelle Getty
Geddy Lee, Rush bassist
French Abolitionists
Jane Austen
The plain sister from the second "Charles in Charge," who is now impossibly hot
Men who could not advance my career
Broomstick #5 from Disney's "Fantasia"
Tyra Banks
The ghost of Nell Carter
That guy on Venice Beach with the guitar and the rollerskates
Celine Dion (not even to shut her up)
Menachem Begin
Jessica Alba
The Manx Bisexual, Lesbian, and Transgender Ultimate Frisbee Team
Barry Manilow in a cheap Hillary Rodham Clinton Halloween mask
Gwyneth Paltrow

Due to the lengthy amount of time it took to compile this list, edits were made before publication.

I am still a relatively young man. Don't worry, there is time to cross off a few more.



About this site

This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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