The Greatest Blog In the World

Monday, March 03, 2003

 

Somewhere in the Fifth Circle Section



When I go to hell, it's going to be like this:

"Hey, B, you gellin'?"
"What?"
"Are you gellin'?"
"I don't know what that is, I'm sorry."
"I'm gellin' like a felon."
"OK"
"I'm so gellin' I'm like Magellan."
"Fine. I'm gellin'."
"You're gellin'? You want some melon?"
"No, I'll pass.'
"But, yo, you're still gellin'?"
"I suppose that I'm still gellin' despite not wanting some melon, yes."
"Nice. I'm tellin' that you're gellin'."
"Do what you have to do."
"Yo, B's, gellin'!"
[A CHEER FROM THE CROWD.]
"Thanks, everybody."
"You're so gellin' you're spellin'. Check it: G-E-L-L-I-N'."
"You should probably spell out the apostrophe."
"I'm gellin', no need to whip me with a flagellum."
"That doesn't rhyme."
"Yo, I'm gellin' and then I'm gonna write this on some vellum."
"That rhymes with flagellum, but not 'gellin' '."
"I'm gellin', but I'm not buyin' what you're sellin'."
"I have to break some bad news to you. I'm actually not gellin'."
"You're not gellin'?"
"Indeed, I am not."
"But you said you were gellin.'"
"I was just playing along,"
"Hey, everybody, B's not gellin' "
[A DISAPPOINTED "OOOOOOH."]
"Sorry."
"Now you want some melon since you're not gellin'?"
"I still don't want any melon, irrespective of the disposition of my gellin'."
"Yo, you're gellin'?"
"No, I'm --"
"Hey, everybody, B's gellin' like a mothafuckin' felon!"
[A CHEER FROM THE CROWD.]
"I AM NOT FUCKING GELLING."
[A DISAPPOINTED "OOOOOOH."]
"No need for yellin', you're upsettin' Helen."
"Tell Helen I'm sorry, but I'm not gellin'."
"Hey, Helen, B says he's not gellin'."
HELEN: "You're not gellin'?"
"No. Not gellin' like a felon or in a more law-abiding fashion. I am not gellin' at all. Not even a little."
HELEN: "You're a creep. He told me you were gellin'. And how come you don't call me anymore?"
"I've been really busy."
HELEN: "Right. I thought we had something special."
"Well, I don't think that things were quite working out."
HELEN: "I didn't tell you this, but I went to the doctor last week and I have genital warts."
"What?"
HELEN: "Maybe if you had called me, I might have told you that I slept with somebody that night we had the big fight and he gave them to me I guess. So you might want to see someone about that."
"You slept with someone? You little --"
[HELEN THROWS MELON IN MY FACE, THEN STOMPS OFF.]
"Yo, that shit was harsh. Hey, B, you gellin'?"
"Maybe I should start."
"Sorry, there's no more gellin'. We're fresh out. Try back tomorrow."



About this site

This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
If You Like Bunsen, Then You'll Love Bunsen
-->

Archives