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Thursday, March 13, 2003

 

'Iraq N' Roll' and Other Belabored Puns Dept.



US could abandon second Iraq resolution

So I'm at this bar last night. It's one of those places that doesn't have a name. Or if it had a name, I didn't know it. All I know is that one of the lady bartenders had a black eye and the other one had a busted lip. But that's neither here nor there.

Someone handed me a flier for a antiwar benefit concert or rave or party. How a bunch of kids on E bouncing up and down and drinking a lot of water helps stop the war is not immediately obvious to me. That's neither here nor there as well.

The flier depicted a bomber dropping some vinyl on Iraq. A payload of records.

This could work. Why not drop some tasty tunes on Saddam? Couldn't this thing be over in a matter of minutes if we did that? They're a little technologically backwards over there. They probably have record players, and not because they're sort of retro cool. They just haven't gotten as far as the eight-track tape yet. At least that's what I'm assuming.

But we can drop a little American-style rock 'n roll on them, our Music of Mass Destruction. The only artform both born and perfected in our country. OK, there's jazz, but I can't all psyched up about throwing some Charlie Parker on the Middle East. This is about rock.

No disco either. Just rock. "It's Raining Men" or "I Will Survive" is not going to wreak the amount of havoc that "Born in the USA" or something more current, say like The White Stripes, would. Sort of like those 7-11 owners who play Beethoven or Wayne Newton to drive away skate punks or hip-hoppers, but kinda sorta in the general vein of the reverse.

Let's load up the B-52's (please--the plane, not the lame-ass band. We're not throwing an 80's thing there) and the stealth-bombers and the whatnot and get the party started and give those 300,000 troops something to do.

Oh yeah: No country music either. Unless it's Johnny Cash. Maybe we could drop The Man in Black himself.

That would rock.



About this site

This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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