Tuesday, March 11, 2003
Contract Law Dept.
It seems perfectly apparent to me that Clay Aiken, "American Idol" contestant and "Mayberry RFD " extra reincarnate, has entered some sort of pact with the Devil himself, wherein the honkiest man in the land offers his eternal soul to the Dark Lord in return for the singing voice of Marvin Gaye.
Have we so soon forgotten Rick Astley, Clay's British forebear and signatory of a similar soul-for-soul-pipes agreement?
Rick Astley: Where is he now?
In hell, I suppose, reaping the infernal harvest of his "Top of the Pops" /American Bandstand appearances, being poked with a toasty pitchfork by Beezlebub while forced to croon his single "Never Gonna Give You Up" to the freshly damned. Like Fred Rogers.
You never would have expected that Mr. Rogers was in hell, would you? Had he not openly worshipped the graven image of that silly little trolley to the Land of Make Believe, he wouldn't be roasting over an open hellflame like so much suckling pig, awaiting Clay Aiken's special rendition of "I Will Always Love You," Official Theme Song of Poetically Ironcial Tortures.