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Wednesday, January 29, 2003


Mind the Communication Gap Special

Given how much importance has been given to securing the cooperation of Germany and France for our operations (read: blowing up) Iraq, WFOoBH has translated our abbreviated text of President Bush's State of the Union address from English into German, then from German into French, and then finally from French back into English. The result is an approximation of putting three translators into a round room and telling them to urinate in the corner:

Wirtschaftschlechtes, requires new employment, to spend of the money. Healthcare expensively, badly. Bad. Democrat badly. Bad. Dividendetax-cut well. Terrorist badly. Terrorist very badly. More terrorists, more badly. Bioterrorism badly. Nations are of Pussies. Bad. Freedom well. Bad. North Korea particularly badly. Bad Saddam Hussein, very badly. War inevitably. * bad Bioweapons. Chemical weapons evil. Bad uranium. Scientist of setting to dead evil. Sooooschlechtes Saddam. * bad bad. Defianceschlechtes. War still arriving. America well! War, uhhuh. Freeeeeedommmm! America blesses a god.

In the interest of including other members of the European Union in the continuing dialogue on Iraq, this text was further translated from English into Portuguese, then from Portuguese back into English, then from English into Italian, and finally, from Italian back into English. The following is the result of this translational gymnastics, approximating a drunken Italian in a nightclub in Rome, trying to sweet-talk some female American backpackers over the pounding beat of the latest techno re-mix:

Wirtschaftschlechtes, demands the new job, to spend of the moneies. Expensive Healthcare, badly. Defective. Carbossimetilazione badly. Defective. Dividendetax-cuts well. Terrorist badly. Terrorist much evil. More terrorist, more evil. Bioterrorism badly. The nations are of the pussies. Defective. Well of freedom. Defective. Coreia of the north particularly badly. Defective Saddam Hussein, much evil. Inevitāvel of war. * Defective Bioweapons. Crews diabolic chemistries. Badly of Uranian. Scientist of the recording to the inoperativa malvagitā. Sooooschlechtes Saddam. * Badly defective. Defianceschlechtes. War that still arrives. Well of the America! War, uhhuh. Freeeeeedommmm! The benedice America a God.

[nota bene: This post has been changed from its original version, to hilarious effect.]

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This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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