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Monday, December 09, 2002

 

Pay No Attention to the Silo Behind That Mosque! Section



Things revealed in Iraq's 12,000-page report on its weapons of mass destruction program:

--Scientists planned to weaponize Saddam's post-Mexican dinner bathroom odor
--Blueprints for 30,000 square-foot Ariel Sharon effigy factory
--Plan to contaminate United State's entire Pepsi Blue supply with New Coke
--Hussein placed phony $90 million eBay bid for Eminem's house in attempt to demoralize residents of Detroit
--Iraqi propaganda ministers faked quotes from Koran instructing Hussein to revive smallpox in a lab and mail an infected blanket to Blackfoot Reservation Casino in South Dakota
--Hussein's psychotherapist determined that he's not actually clinically insane--he just really enjoys doodling plans for mass destruction in margins of his dream book
--Hussein promised Michael Jackson ten #1 singles on Baghdad radio in exchange for baby-dangling stunt, then arranged for Winona Ryder to get off with just parole
--Plan to flood velvet-art market with "Dogs Playing Poker" paintings composed with blood of Kurdish torture victims
--Schematics for enormous space laser to ignite giant brown paper bag full of dog poop on White House front steps
--Secret to the perfect golf swing, enabling Hussein to finally defeat Bob Hope in Skins play
--12,000 pages of the following phrase: "We no have nukeys, American pig-dogs!"



About this site

This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
If You Like Bunsen, Then You'll Love Bunsen
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