Monday, December 02, 2002
Fowls Most Fair Dept.
Behold the newest object of my fascination:
The FAQ linked above undoubtedly provides all of the factual information one could want regarding the TURDUCKEN. But do the facts tell the whole story? By now we all know that a TURDUCKEN is a turkey stuffed with a chicken inside a duck, often separated by layers of delicious stuffing. But unless you've actually devoured one (and I haven't, not yet, but...soon), I think it's still a little difficult to wrap your intellect around this feat of gastronomic engineering. Maybe the issue should be examined from other perspectives to give you, the gentle reader, a further sense of awe and wonder at the miracle of TURDUCKEN. A culinary analogue, seafood: A shark stuffed with a swordfish stuffed with a cod stuffed with a goldfish stuffed with a minnow. At a bar, you might lustily imbibe a pitcher of Bud Light stuffed with a jumbo pint of Sam Adams stuffed with a highball glass of Ketel One stuffed with a shot of Jagermeister. Imagine, from the world of basketball--Shaquille O'Neal stuffed with Kobe Bryant stuffed with Allen Iverson stuffed with Spud Webb stuffed with Tyrone "Muggsy" Bogues. Picture this edible Russian nesting doll of figures from the entertainment sector, where John Tesh is stuffed with Bea Arthur stuffed with Billy Crystal stuffed with Emmanuel Lewis stuffed with Jonathan Lipnicki (Jerry Maguire only) stuffed with the crawling infant rascal from Baby's Day Out. Visualize a political delicacy, where Janet Reno is stuffed with George W. Bush stuffed with Condoleeza (Condi, if you prefer) Rice stuffed with George Stephanopolous.
Each of these examples is so savory that I cannot help but be overwhelmed by the power of TURDUCKEN. I must go and chew on ice chips until the anticipatory swelling in my gums subsides.