Tuesday, September 24, 2002
Emmy Rearview
Yes, they happened Sunday, but I didn't manage to post until right now.
Just pretend that I have just awoken from a short coma, and that you are glad that I am up and around again. It makes you happy to hear me gargle up some nonsenical Rip Van Winkleisms, as the last time you saw me I was flat on my back with the beep-beep machine monitoring my feeble brain activity.
Best of the Emmys:
--Cast of 90210 shut out for 12th straight year--but Jason Priestly can sit up under his own power and eat semisolid food.
--Conan O'Brien's observation that the one dream each nominee has in common was the desire for everyone else to lose. This was followed by The West Wing's Allison Janney's victory speech: "Suck it. I won again. You will not sleep well tonight, you little, little losers."
--Former NYC Mayor Rudolph Giuliani's tearful appeal to direct federal disaster relief funds to Matthew Perry's liver.
--Everybody Loves Raymond's Doris Roberts' candid admission that she's "been loved by three men at once."
--Stockard Channing's surprise win in the "Jesus Christ, I Am Really Fucking Scary" category. Runner up: Jerry Lewis' swollen head from the MDA Telethon
--Veterans of Band of Brothers "Easy Company" storm Kim Catrall's limousine.
--Oprah Winfrey's acceptance speech for Bob Hope Humanitarian Award ends with plea "to turn off the damn machines that keep Bob from eternal sleep."
--Ray Romano mistakenly thanks Olsen twins for recent boner.
Maybe another short coma is not such a bad idea.
I sleep now.
[beep. beep. beep.]
