Wednesday, August 14, 2002
Osbournes Take in Bereaved Teenager
In the tradition of Cousin Oliver, Scrappy Doo, and that annoying little-redheaded-country-singing bastard Sam from Diff'rent Strokes, the Osbornes are adding a fresh face to their reality-show mix. TV's Most In Your Face Family will take in the son of a woman who was killed by the same cancer with which Sharon Osbourne has recently been diagnosed. On The Osbournes' upcoming season, we'll get to see how the new kid fits in as Sharon is dragging around the house, sluggish from her latest round of chemotherapy. Nothing could be wackier than watching the Honorary Osbourne relive all the glories of the cancer that felled Mom. He can help Sharon pick out her wigs, empty out her vomit cup, and pinchhit for her with Ozzy's well-documented uncontrollable urination problem. Behold the New Guy towel off Ozzy's crotch as he absently cries out his catchphrase, "Sharon?"
I think someone's going to deliver a big, fat, heavy-metal reminder to Anna Nicole about who's king of the reality hill.
The Osbournes: Season Two -- It's metasta-tastic!