Friday, July 05, 2002
Time to Close Down Boston Before the Rain of Frogs Weekend Extra
Red Sox Legend Ted Williams Killed by Curse of the Bambino
CRYSTAL RIVER, Fla. -- Ted Williams, the Boston Red Sox revered and sometimes reviled ''Splendid Splinter'' and baseball's last .400 hitter, died Friday at age 83, striken dead in his Florida hospital bed by the Curse of the Bambino.
Williams had suffered a number of strokes and congestive heart failure, a series of ailments also believed to be brought on by The Curse. When contacted for comment, the ghost of Babe Ruth remarked, "I was getting a little tired of all this talk 'bout Ted being 'the greatest hitter who ever lived.' At 83 years old, he really was askin' for it."
The Curse of the Bambino dates back to Jan. 3rd, 1920, when Red Sox owner Harry Frazee sold Babe Ruth to the New York Yankees for $125,000 dollars and a $300,000 dollar loan so that he could open the musical, "No, No, Nannette." Ruth had lead the Red Sox to their last World Series win in 1918. The Curse has been responsible for the Red Sox losing the World Series in 1975 and 1986, Bucky Dent's historic 1978 home run, massive cost and scheduling overruns on the Big Dig, a spike in instances of Sudden Infant Death syndrome in 1982, and when Bawby Dawnally's brothah Kahl gawt wicked racked in a 1985 Little League game when he forgawt to weah his cup. Wicked pissah, yes sih.