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Monday, July 15, 2002

 

That's Right, Fucking Payback Dept.



So I was pulling into the parking lot behind the Blockbuster on Sunset, and there's only one spot left. From out of nowhere this black Escalade comes whipping around the corner and pulls into the spot in front of me. I'm like, this is shit. I turn it up to ten and I'm out of my car, ready to go apeshit on the guy. I shout what the fuck, buddy? The asshole gets out of the car and shrugs, like sorry, I didn't see your fucking car nudging into the spot. My ass you didn't. What do you want me to do, move it now? Look, that guy's leaving. That's not the point, I tell him. Then he takes off his baseball cap to rub his head because it's getting loud. It's fucking Mel Gibson. Yeah that Mel Gibson. But I'm fucking on ten now and maybe he thinks he's gonna get away with this shit because he's a rich asshole. Get your ass out of my spot, Braveheart. Excuse me? You heard me. I'll do a Mad Max on you dude, just try me. You're fucking crazy, dude. Now he's scared. He turns around and starts to get back in the car. Then I deck him when he's not looking, pop him a good one behind the ear. That's right, I'm not gonna let him do a Lethal Weapon move on me so I whip him behind the ear. What the fuck was that? I don't know, maybe I didn't see your ear there. He gets in his car and moves it to another spot. I get my spot. Fuck him, fucking The River guy. I saw him give me the eye at the New Release wall. I just walked by him man, brushing my shoulder against him when I was going for What Women Want.

They want a parking spot, bitch.

It was a funny movie though.



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This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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