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Monday, July 08, 2002

 

Splendid Splinter or Triple-Crown Popsicle?


Truly, You Can't Make This Shit Up Dept.


Williams' Body Already Frozen; Daughter Fighting

Ted Williams' son has allegedly transported his corpse to Arizona, where it was frozen so that one day the former baseball great's DNA could be harvested for sale. His daughter is disgusted that the body is already on ice at the Scottsale cryonics center. It's been alleged that the freezing may have been Williams' final wishes; he had also specified he didn't want a funeral.

If the DNA ever goes on sale, the implications for the State of Massachusetts are profound--within a couple of decades, the entire state could be populated entirely of Ted Williams and Nomar Garciaparra clones. Neither would make a particularly attractive woman. Even with cloning, the Red Sox will never win a World Series.

Somewhere, there's a crusty pair of a prostitute's panties, circa 1927, waiting to make sure it never happens.

[I don't mean to harp on this Curse thing, but what else can we think when Bostonians are putting their greats on ice? Ted Kennedy's staking out the Eternal Flame, grasping a shovel and waiting to unleash a new Camelot on our unsuspecting nation. But I'm on to you, Teddy, I'm on to you.]



About this site

This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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