Monday, July 01, 2002
It Was Either This or a Lame Bit About a Buddy Comedy Dept.
Al Qaeda, Hezbollah Reportedly Joining Forces
Terrorist networks Al Qaeda and Hezbollah are joining forces, finally settling on a two-bedroom apartment in New York City's Upper East Side, the FBI has learned. The cohabitation will serve the dual purposes of allowing the terror concerns to more efficiently target American interests both domestically and overseas, as well as allowing the longtime partners to spilt the rent and utility bills.
"This development was a long time coming," said an FBI source close to the terror networks. "They found a cute place with lots of natural light, hardwood floors, and wonderful exposed brick. Hezbollah was practically living in Al Qaeda's place. After a while, you just have to ask yourself, 'Let's stop kidding each other, why pay two rents?' And it's much easier to hang just one schematic diagram of the New York City subway on the living room wall to plan the placement of dirty bombs within the transit system. Before, it was always back and forth between the maps, forgetting where they put the push pins indicating the location of the next atrocity."
Additionally, the new, shared residence is convenient to two bus lines, a Circuit City electronics store, and an IMAX large-format movie theater. "A movie theater is a great place to leave a suspicious-looking brown paper bag," said the source. "Plus, Hezbollah loves the IMAX film with the dolphins."
[No jokes regarding camels and parking spaces, Islamic law calling for the stoning to death of homosexuals, or IKEA picture frames were considered in the production of this feature.]