Tuesday, June 25, 2002
The There Would Be Humor Here If I Knew How to Read a Balance Sheet Section
Amortize This, Mothafuckas!
WorldCom Said It Hid Expenses, Inflating Cash Flow $3.8
Accounting scandals are the new intern blowjobs and celebrity wife murders. But the illicit fellatio and the "This'll finally shut the bitch up!" stories have the bonus of being easily understood by consumers of the nightly news. Joe Sixpack can readily relate to a hummer or the somtimes crippling desire to be rid of the ball-and-chain. But when it comes to the Enron and WorldCom type scandals that mostly involve shifting numbers from one column to another or paper transfers of assets to offshore holding companies, Johnny Q. Public is left at the prom with a date that's got her knees locked together with The Club. Admittedly, there is a certain fiscal tingle from booking your corporation's operating costs as capital investments (oh, the humanity!), but the scandal lacks the clean lines and tabloid appeal of having your intern disappear under the desk or while jogging in the park, or helping your wife's head fall off in the kitchen or a cut-rate Italian restaurant.
Consider this a plea for America to return to the glory days of scandals that can be enjoyed by all, not just CEOs, CFOs, and CPAs.