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Thursday, June 27, 2002

 

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Yao Ming...I heard there's a run on two-foot chopsticks in Houston...man, that guy is tall...no word on if he's going to box someone who's really short...you know, because that's what really tall guys do these days...word around town is that R. Kelly has an Underoo collection...you know, because he likes to videotape underage girls...and who's seen or heard from Winona lately?...I hear she's been keeping busy taking things from expensive department stores without paying for them...and how about the German Soccer Team...things have been quiet since they beat the US, invaded Poland and hosted a special Hasselhoff concert in their hotel...they lost World War II, if you hadn't heard...those wacky Palestinian suicide bombers...they think they are going to heaven...and they are right...if by heaven you mean the local pizza shops where they blow up...a peaceful people, to be sure...that was sarcastic, watch out...and the Israelis...well, you know...I'm not going to spell everything out for you...OK, but it is obvious that they are in a difficult position...it's hard to shoot kids with rocks, they run fast...if they are going to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance why don't they just take all the money back and get it off of there, too...because some people with free time and expensive lawyers aren't that fond of the Big Fella...atheists are funny that way...and so are Catholic Priests...I think I smell a sitcom in there somewhere...you know, the Catholic Priest and the Litigious Athiest...maybe they are both lawyers, and that guy from Fresh Prince is the judge...he's always the judge, isn't he...and let's not ban tag and dodgeball while we're at it...it allows to weed out the weak at a convenient age, before they are able to afford tenacious legal representation...like a Catholic Priest with a chip on his shoulder and a score to settle...



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This is the internet home of Mark Lisanti, a Los Angeles writer sometimes known as Bunsen. He is the founding editor of Defamer, a weblog about Hollywood, where he now serves in the nebulous capacity of "editor-at-large."
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